Out of pity my father dragged the boys off of my cut and bruised 
body, helping me to the car without saying a single word.
The silence was deafening; every breath my father exhaled reeked
of disappointment. I could hear his heart breaking, I thought that 
I had let him down without knowing what had happened at all.
I had lost face right there in front of my father, made a fool of him 
and of myself.

Years later I would learn as men do that fathers don't get upset
with their sons' because they've lost a simple fight.
That's what boys do, it is all part of growing up.
A father is disappointed with you when you loose faith in yourself,
let your pride get defeated.
Your pride is all that you will really ever have that is yours alone,
and nobody can take that away from you.
That night, without even knowing it those boys took my pride
from me, they owned me and they knew it.
My father knew it as well.
At the time there was nothing I could do.
I didn't know what I could have done, my father never told me.

This was a path that I had to face alone, somewhere my father
couldn't lead me, it was a private thing that I had to 
figure out for myself.

I became a coward, as losers so I thought. I didn't shy away from
a fight, I would just avoid the confrontation all together.
Just keep my mouth shut and live in the shadows, that was how I
thought losers survived.Slander was as common as hello and 
eventually meant the same to me, I let it slip to the ground.
One day I met somebody with the same idea's as me.
Another that preferred the shadows, but instead of avoiding these
people he would laugh at them, saying that they migh think that 
they've got it all figured out right now, but just wait.
Some day they will get what's coming to them.
They will get the wake up call that they deserve, and it will be soon.
He would the teach me about the inner strength that slapt inside of
me. It was time for me to wake up.
The man inside of me was speaking to a boy, a boy who was 
learning more about himself, and the world around him.
A boy was learning what it meant to become a man.

Time sometimes passes by without you ever being aware of it.
Years go by, one the same as the other with no conscious reckoning
of what was really happening.
I was growing up without realizing that I have changed.
No longer did these brutal, barbaric people matter to me anymore,
they just were not important enough to fit into my time.
They did not belong in my world so I had decided that they didn't, period.

My accomplishments had become all that matterd, and with time my 
pride was returned to me.
I learned that the more you grow the stronger you would become.
It didn't take my father to learn this,
he had died a while ago doing something that he loved..........
I was alone.
Now all that I have is my  pride and myself.
I grew up stronger than any fool could ever possibly dream.
As some men do.
 

                                       CHRISTOPHER S. BUTCHER